Define "chronic" masturbator.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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