I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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