I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
