well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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