No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
