You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
