Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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