Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS