Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.