I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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