That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.