you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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