Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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