dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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