Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
