i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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