I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
