The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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