she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
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There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
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I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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