i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
