I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
