Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
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In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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