i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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