you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
