you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
