2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
