And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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