fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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