Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
