ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
