You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
