is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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