im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
