In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Let's paint friendship bongs
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
