dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
