Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
