I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
