he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
