Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
