Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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