So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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