just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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