Non-Jews are for practice
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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