I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
