is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
