What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
