i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
