By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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