Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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