On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
