Your dad touched me again.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
