Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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