So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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