Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
