I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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