An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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