I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
