the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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