yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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