i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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