so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
