I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
