and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
