she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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