Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
