Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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