Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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